Aveneu Park, Starling, Australia

Evelyn everything in the goddamned house. She

Evelyn did not like being at home. At all. In fact, she despised it. She despised her parents, her brothers, the mould in the bathroom, everything in the goddamned house. She hated her bedroom the least, though, because her bedroom didn’t tell her that she was a freak and deserved to die.Because Evelyn had a problem,  and that problem came in the form of a dick. She disliked her dick intensely, as it meant her family thought she was a boy, but it did have a few upsides, like not having to sit down if she needed to use a public toilet, because, let’s face it, that shit is disgusting.And every day Evelyn woke up and contemplated death, wondering what would be the easiest way to off herself. She wouldn’t go through with it, she knew she wouldn’t, because she had this tiny little bit of hope, and that tiny little bit of hope came in the form of a girl called Maia.Maia was Evelyn’s best friend, and the only person who called Evelyn by her name, by Evelyn, and not Aiden, like everyone else did. Evelyn was so grateful for Maia, and was probably more than a little bit in love with her for that.Evelyn wasn’t the only kid who loved Maia. The boys at their school wanted to have Maia, the girls at their school wanted to be Maia. Tall, slim, popular, pretty, kind, clever, an amazing singing voice, played the violin, played hockey, Maia was the cliché girl, tragically beautiful, so hard to get.Maia did play hard to get, and Evelyn didn’t like that. Evelyn didn’t like watching Maia bite her lip, shake her ass, wear short skirts, wink at the boys, just so they’d drool a little more. She never went for any of them, which left Evelyn in a frustrated mess.Because Evelyn did not have a crush on Maia, no sir. She did not want to kiss her best friend.Except she did, she really did, she was just in denial. Evelyn didn’t have a chance with Maia, because Maia was extremely heterosexual, and Evelyn was a flaming lesbian. Aiden would have a chance with Maia, but Evelyn? No way.Evelyn supposed she could pretend to be a straight boy, but she didn’t want to. She wanted people to respect her as a girl, but society wouldn’t do that for her, because society is a bitch and society is strangely against anyone doing anything even remotely positive. Because God forbid you be black, or Muslim, or gay, or single, or a virgin over the age of fifteen. Which was really stupid, and what about people who were all of those?And Evelyn wasn’t really sure if dating girls would ever go well for her, because when the people she hit on realised she had a dick they would leave, and all the straight girls and gay guys would come flocking towards her, thinking about Evelyn’s genitals and not her gender.Aiden did not exist, but Evelyn wished he did. Sometimes she wished she could just be comfortable with being called ‘he’, she wished she didn’t want to wear dresses or skirts or makeup or jewelry, but she did, and that was not something she was proud of. She wasn’t proud of being trans, not at all, not since Caitlyn Jenner or however you spelled it, because she was a shitty way to judge the trans community.But she was famous, she had money, she was a Jenner, and she stayed in the mainstream spotlight for long after her career as an athlete ended, and now people would look at her and her hypocritical, Trump-supporting ass and think all the trans people were like that, and really, Evelyn wasn’t. Evelyn absolutely despised her president, and the whole thing with the army has really pissed her off.Not that she’d ever go fight for her country; she was probably the least patriotic American she knew. She didn’t particularly want to get herself shot or blown up, either, so she stayed right out of the way, but there were fifteen thousand transgender troops in that goddamned army, or so she’d heard, and now that racist Cheeto of a president wanted to get rid of them because they cost a lot and that was a burden they could deal without. Yeah right, because the military needed to spend $40 million on Viagra, and eight and a half million dollars was too much to spend on transgender people.But really, the fact was that Evelyn was pissed off, and nothing could change that. Her parents had voted for Trump, because they were extremely happy and supportive of his ideals, except the support of the queer community during his campaign. Evelyn had been forced to watch all his interviews and debates, and she vividly remembered him holding a pride flag up one time, much to the distaste of her parents, who had not appreciated her whispered comment of “it’s upside down”.It shouldn’t have been upside down, a flag being upside down signals distress, but she supposed it was relevant now, since she was both the L and the T in LGBT, and she most certainly was in distress.Except the distress she was currently in was not of the military kind, but rather the kind of distress that came in the form of her missing headphones, which meant that she simply could not listen to any of her music on the bus to school, which meant that the hour and a half she was going to spend on the bus each day would be incredibly boring, unless Max sat with her, which was unlikely.And really, listening to Bon Jovi for forty minutes on the way to school wasn’t ideal, as Evelyn wasn’t the biggest Bon Jovi fan- although Bed of Roses was an incredible song- but it was better than something like Paloma Faith or Eiffel 65.She had looked in her room for hours to try and find her damned headphones, but no, they’d been stolen, and she didn’t believe in the existence of headphone goblins, although she was inclined to, and maybe they’d be like the verruca gnome in the Hogfather, and suddenly pop into existence.The only downside of this plan was that she’d continue to believe in then if she saw them, which meant they’d never leave, and more people would be plagued by these headphone thieves, and people would hate her, but hey, people would hate her anyway for just existing and being a girl.And she would say that she didn’t care about the people who hated her for being a girl, but she did, she really did. She cared way too much, and she sat in her room late at night and sobbed, sometimes, albeit very quietly, as to not wake anyone up.She’d made that mistake once before, and cried at a normal volume, and her dad had woken up. He was angry at being woken up at three in the morning to someone crying and gave her an angry lecture about how “boys don’t cry”.Evelyn had not told him that she was a girl; Evelyn may have been slightly suicidal, but she wanted to die on her own terms, and that meant not at her father’s hand. Or gun, because he owned one, because this was America, and everyone owned at least three guns and carried  them around in case of emergency.”Emergency” was a term that seemed to have a very loose definition, Evelyn had learned. As far as her dad was concerned, an “emergency” was more “two boys kissing” and less “burglars are raiding the house and there’s a murderer in your child’s room”. And she’d found that out when her father had forbidden her from watching Class when he saw Charlie and Matteusz together in episode three.It still hurt that the BBC weren’t making season two. Still, and the announcement hat come months ago. But hey, at least she had Supernatural, and Friends, if things got really bad and season thirteen of Supernatural never arrived.And as she started to lament the amount of character deaths in the season twelve finale, her phone decided to go off, and it served as a sufficient distraction from her losses. It was a phonecall. She was going to stab whoever called her, because she hated phonecalls; they made her really anxious, and she kept messing up her words.She hated that. Her words switched themselves around in the sentence, they got confused with other words, and spliced themselves with other, completely random words, to create things like “ampliflier”. Evelyn was not proud of that, especially since her entire family had started making fun of her.But she really did need to look and see who was calling her. She could just let it go to voicemail, but that was a bad idea if it was her dad or Maia. Her brothers, well, neither of them would care very much, and neither would her mother.As it happened, it was Maia, and as Evelyn came to this realisation she let out an immense groan and collapsed back onto her bed. She was home alone for the first time on ever, and was relishing the time in which she could actually wear a skirt and not be shot at, and chances are Maia wanted her to leave the house.She flopped off her bed, crying out as she hit the floor, and groaned even louder as her phone stopped ringing, which meant Maia was being sent to voicemail, and Maia would not be happy about that.Evelyn grabbed her phone and unlocked it, taking three tries to do so because she kept screwing up her own password, and eventually opened up the actual phone but of her phone, and called Maia back. She picked up instantly. Of course she did.”Where have you been?” She practically shrieked. “This is an emergency!”There’s that word emergency again. In this case, “emergency” turned out to mean “Maia finally got with the boy she’d been crushing on for just about ever”. Which was really not an emergency.”Oh- I- Er- Congratulations?” Evelyn told her weakly.”I’m so happy, oh my god, he’s so hot, and his eyes, they’re like sunlight shining through whiskey,” she sighed dreamily to Evelyn. “I think I’m in love.”Evelyn wanted to cry at that. Maia couldn’t be in love. Infatuated, yeah, but in love? No, teenagers couldn’t be in love, and Evelyn kept reminding herself of that fact. She was not in love, and neither was Maia. It was just some silly little crush.”Oh… Erm… Good for you? I’ve never been in love, you see, don’t know if it’s a good thing or- or not.””It’s definitely a good thing,” Maia sighed. “I feel so happy, like I could take on the world. I feel like I could go up to Trump and kick him in the face with my stilettos on live TV and not give a fuck, it’s amazing!”Evelyn almost flinched away from her phone. That was exactly how she felt sometimes when she was with Maia. She felt like she could go out and walk around town with a dress on and not care what anyone said. Love seems to give you that kind of confidence.No, it’s not love, Evelyn yelled at herself. You’re not in love, so stop saying you are!”Evelyn?” Maia’s voice came through the phone. “You still there?””Yeah, yeah, I’m here. Just thinking.””What about?””Love. I’m not in love, I swear, I just-“”What?!” Maia screamed. “You got yourself a lady friend? Is she hot? Where does she live? What’s her name? Spill,” she demanded.”I don’t- I don’t have a girlfriend,” Evelyn told her. “But there’s this girl, and she’s amazing, and you’re not getting anything else out of me.””Noo,” Maia cried, letting out a groan that sounded like she was dying.”Maia, no, this is mine to deal with,” Evelyn told her sternly.”But who is it?””No, nobody, shouldn’t have said anything, there’s no love here- goddamn, I’m not in love!””It’s okay if you are, you know.””No, I’m seventeen, I’m not in love, it’s just a silly crush.” And with that statement, Evelyn winced, because really, she had just admitted it to herself. She did have a crush on Maia, as much as she hated it.”I don’t want this crush,” she groaned. “Make it go away.””Can’t help with that, sorry,” Maia trilled. “Go find someone else? Get yourself laid, girl.””With who? All the ones who want to get laid are guys.””There’s nothing wrong with that, you’re a girl.””And a lesbian,” Evelyn reminded Maia.”I do know that, yes, I did not forget,” Maia said, her voice muffled slightly.”I gotta go, but have fun with- what was his name?””Ollie.””Yes, have fun with Ollie, don’t get too frisky.””Me? Frisky? No, I’m a church girl, remember?” Maia said sarcastically. “No sex before marriage, yadda yadda.””Ah, God bless,” Evelyn said in her “priest voice”. “Ew, religion. Wait, no, that came out wrong. That sounds like I don’t want anyone to be religious.””It does, kinda.””I mean, if you’re religious, go for it, but I don’t believe in some magic man in the sky.””Aw, my little atheist is blooming,” Maia teased. “See ya!””Bye, Maia,” Evelyn said, hanging up, and dropping her phone onto the floor, before crossing to her CD player and slotting in Dookie.It started to play, and she turned the volume up so that she could feel the vibrations through the floor. And she decided that it might be a good idea to get changed into trousers, because she wouldn’t be able to hear her parents come back.Which was really a wise decision, because she fell asleep somewhere during Basket Case, and was woken up by her brother George.”Aiden! Get your lazy ass up, we have guests.”The album had long since finished, which meant Evelyn had been asleep for a long time, and she sat up with a groan.”Stop whining, come on,” George beckoned.He ran down the stairs and shouted. “He’s on his way, Ma.”He. His. No, should be she, her. But Evelyn couldn’t really be mad at George, because he didn’t know she was a girl. She hadn’t told him.She hadn’t told anyone except Maia.Her thoughts always seemed to trail back to Maia. To that damned smile, the black hair, everything. It was all Maia.She was obsessed with Maia, it seemed, and she did not like it. She did not like crushing on Maia. She did not like the threat to their friendship. And that was all they were, friends, and Evelyn would give anything to keep it that way.Evelyn sighed, pulling a hoodie over her head. She didn’t want to go downstairs, especially with guests, but she supposed she had to. It wouldn’t hurt to go eat, would it? It was almost nine in the evening.Now is not the time to sing Panic! songs, she chided herself, laughing as her brain decided to play Nine in the Afternoon.”Aiden! We have guests,” her mother called. Aiden. Aiden. He. Son. It was all coming to her again. Aiden. A name. A name that belonged to her, except it didn’t. It felt alien, but it was hers, and even though it wasn’t, she still felt protective of it.Aiden. An Irish name. A boy’s name. Means little fire. She should have hated the name. Was it normal for a trans person to not hate their birth name? She didn’t know. She hoped she wasn’t abnormal for liking her deadname.Evelyn. An English name. Both a boy’s and a girl’s name. Means little bird. She liked this name more than Aiden. Evelyn was a nice name. It made her feel pretty.”Aiden!” Her dad yelled up the stairs. “Hurry up!””Coming, Dad,” she muttered.”There’s a girl there, she’s hot,” George said from behind her.”My age or yours?” The seventeen year old asked.”Yours, probably. I don’t know, haven’t asked.””Yeah, but you’re old,” Evelyn teased. “Twenty one, ooh, you’re going to go gray soon.””Shut up, Aidey,” George told her. “I’m gonna go see if I can get some, little brother.” Brother.”I’m taller than you!””You’re four years younger,” George reminded her.”Shush.””Nah,” George winked. It annoyed Evelyn, that wink. That wink meant George thought he could “get some”. There were times when Evelyn loved George, but other times… Well, she’d happily punch him.As she walked down the stairs, she heard a voice ask for directions to the toilet. This voice was new, unfamiliar, but Evelyn liked it. It was feminine, so chances are they were female, but Evelyn didn’t want to assume in case they were trans, like her.And someone turned the corner, probably the owner of the voice that Evelyn heard, and her heart stopped. This person was, like George had said, “hot”. Evelyn’s poetic mind wanted to describe them as tall, slim, sleek, like a river nymph, beautiful like the moon, but really, all she could think was damn.”Oh, hi, I’m Christa,” the person said. Evelyn saw the badge on the leather jacket that had “she/her” written on it. She was cis, it seemed, because those boobs, they were definitely not fake, and that skirt- well, Evelyn didn’t want to think about the skirt. She brought her eyes up to the girl’s face and smiled.”Hi, Christa,” she said, moving out of the way. She was going to introduce herself, but then she remembered that she’d have to introduce herself as Aiden, as he, and she didn’t want to. It wasn’t as if she could introduce herself, even if she wanted to, because her body had decided just to stop working.Of course it had, the moment she’d seen a pretty girl, and Evelyn was really living up to the stereotypes of the teenage boys who drooled after anything with boobs and a pulse, which was quite ironic, really.”Do you have a name?” Christa grinned, looking Evelyn up and down.”I- uh- no?” Evelyn spouted, immediately facepalming herself mentally.But it didn’t seem to faze Christa, who laughed, and responded with a “well, I’ll just have to call you cutie.”And that was the moment in which Evelyn Taylor died.


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